Hi!

I am back, it's only been a few minutes, and you are still pathetic. Shall we do tea by the fireplace again? Be sure to wear that sweater I gave you, I'd hate to see it go to waste. Leave me be now. Go, get, be gone with you! Sod off, lest I am tempted to stomp on your instep in a most undesirable fashion!

Yeah, It's not Gonna Happen

I'm going to have to be honest here and tell you that I will probably not post a new "picture story" or anything of interest here on this blog for a while, if at all. So, if you are hanging on to any hope that such a thing will happen, keep holding on. Something tells me your shoddy life could stand to have some excitement, even if it is artificial or, in this case, nonexistent. If you are not hoping for such, then screw you and whatever pet you currently own, unless I happen to be rather fond of said pet, in which case, screw you and the haircut you obviously overpaid for ($10 at the Haircutery is still too much to pay for a style that could just as easily be obtained for free through the use of gardening shears and an upturned third of watermelon). Perhaps, in the meantime, I can divert your attention away from my incompetence and towards this wonderful website:
wondermark.com
It is quite fabulous and I am quite partial to it. See if you cannot find the one with the clowns, the one with the elephant t-shirt, and the one with the unicycler. Extra points if you can find the one I am in!
Keep it real (as though you could), your chin up (choose one of them), and your head out of the sand (and in a bucket of acetone) until I return.
Fin

Will post soon, I swear

I bet that you've been frequenting my page in hopes of seeing yet another fabulously ironic picture-story, and I am here to tell you that there will be one in a short while. I assure you that my mind is running it's cogs, gears, crankshafts and pistons to produce the next best sequence of pictures coupled with "bet you didn't see that coming" captions. Just hang in there, my loyal and predictable pals.

Hello there, old friend

Okay, so it has recently occurred to me that I haven't posted on here for some two odd months, and I know that you all rely on my posts the way a flower relies on a bee to have sex, but rest assured that I will break my post fast post haste.



By the way, you're sex life is disturbing.

APT#

My one complaint about this apartment is that I cannot slam the doors.

Late Night BTW

I just had me a really good cup of Earl Grey tea with about four slices of toast. I just thought I should let you know.

Storytime Kids!!!! (no pictures)

When I was a wee little lad, I was fascinated with words (still am). I used to want to make up a new word, but unlike other little kids, I was relatively logical, and knew that I couldn't just say randomness and have the world accept it as a word (and I did assume that the world spoke English). In my mind, I contrived this elaborate scheme through which I would have to go in order to "make" a word and get it "approved". There was this committee in England that would receive letters from wordsmiths and would review the yearly crop of new words. They would then deliberate for many hours as to the validity, logic, and sound of those words, after which they would decide what words made it into the English language and what words would be sent to some country in Latin America called "Pig" (my father used to speak the native language to me, and I could somewhat understand what was being said, but wasn't sure I was right at the time). If I was going to make my own word, I'd have to think very hard and with great intent, otherwise the Committee for the Development of the English Vernacular would not approve of it and all my efforts were for nothing. I decided that the best way to come up with a word was to not think too hard about it and wait for it to come to me. In the mean time, it seemed to be a good idea to find out more about this committee (since all I knew about them I had made up in my head), so I asked me mum.
"Mom, how do words get made?"
"Well, I guess someone starts to use it, and more people use it, and then everyone just accepts it as a word."
"Oh, yeah, that's what I thought."
So that was the end of my wordsmithing career, and I have somehow made it 11 years without those credentials.